Pope Francis Visits Seoul

In honor of Pope Francis' visit to Korea this week, I'm sharing a music video, Koinonia (코이노니아). This song is a collaboration of some famous Catholic celebrities. When I posted this to my facebook, my dad was quick to notice that the cathedral where they filmed the video is the Myeongdong Cathedral. 

For those who are curious, "koinonia" is a Greek word for communion/sharing. The lyricist said, "So many people live just for themselves. If more people prayed for others, the world would be a better place to live." It's a respectable message to spread in today's increasingly egocentric society. 

Pope Francis' message to Korea for this trip is, "Rise Korea, clothe yourself in light, the Lord’s glory shines upon you."

Productive Mode

Man I've been productive the past few days.

Emergency freezer defrosting in an hour.
Packing my lunches and dinners.
More than a few loads of laundry (augmented by item number 1).
Boiling peanuts and experimenting with plum cobbler (as I'm trying to clear out fridge...).
Resumes.
Dry cleaner.
Blogging.
Actually answering my Kakao talk.
Finishing reading a book (Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In, if you were curious).
All the while going to the gym like the loyal exercising trainee I should be.

I'm sure I'm missing something here.

The weeks sure are flying by, which is a blessing and a curse. I'm getting a lot of things done, but it also feels like some of the looming things like securing my next job are at a standstill. Arguably, they're not, but it feels that way.

My first grand resume push was last week, and I actually got a few responses. Follow ups after the first few responses have been weaker, but I at least find it encouraging that I'm getting more attention this time around than when I had first tried job seeking after graduation. I must have been doing my resume all wrong then! Or something.

But the bottom line is things are moving, and I got my feet put to the fire in one of the first responses I had. One company had called back the next day and spoke with me about taking a written test as soon as possible. The woman spoke to me in Korean the whole time (note that I intentionally sent resumes and cover letters in English, unlike when I sent bilingual documents after graduation). Gladly I would take this written test, I said.

I was expecting a copywriting test, like when I had done interviews before. Alas, the next morning, bright and early, I received the file by email, opened it, and saw that it was in fact a translation test. Two articles, one English, one Korean. Directions: You have an hour. Translate.

No time to waste on panic, I just started. It took me a solid hour to translate to English. Forget putting it into Korean. Times up. I obediently sent in my work after an hour. Two minutes later the phone rings.

"You didn't get to the Korean? Not at all?"

Sheepishly, I reply, "No..."

"Okay, I'll give you more time. Work on that and send it in as soon as you can."

It was a relief and a bombshell at the same time. I wasn't automatically disqualified, but I had a mountain in front of me. And... work to go to in 2 hours. I toiled and toiled and managed to send it off and I ran to work.

I wish I could tell you how it turned out, but I myself am waiting by the phone. That's a figure of speech these days, I couldn't live without my cell phone within an eyeshot even when I'm not expecting news.

Part of me wants to show my test to my friends to see how horrible my Korean is. But at the same time, I don't want to because I don't want to actually know how horrible my Korean is. I'm going to have to get over that and just force myself to practice knowing that I'm making mistakes, but to keep being corrected. It's a new stage--when you first learn a language, you're afraid of people fixing your pronunciation, then your grammar in speech. I've gotten over that, but now I have to humble myself again and accept criticism of my writing.

My Korean writing is only for my own personal use talking to friends on messengers or leaving short notes for people. I speak decently enough, but writing is completely different animal. Having skipped out on learning Korean in an educational setting, I have no confidence in my writing skills at all (don't tell my employers that). I do, however, have confidence that I can get better.

Just gotta establish a no-exceptions study hour to my day and dive back in. Wish me luck!

By the way, here's my Instagram feed if you would like to follow my day-to-day life a little closer. I'm just so proud of my kimchi veggie wraps that I packed for lunch today. Yumyumyum.

RASKB Daehakno and Hyewha Walking Tour

If you're into the performing arts, Daehakno is probably where you would spend your free time. It is known today for its hundreds of theaters with many private productions. I know a lot of my college friends liked to go there to see a show every now and then, and it's considered one of the hip areas of town.

Other than that, I didn't really have any idea about what else might lie there. Architecture, apparently!! 

I'll take you through a brief excursion I went on led by Dr. Robert Fouser with the RASKB. 

In all honesty, I got there a few minutes late. I got out of the Hyewha subway station. No congregating foreigners to be found... In a moment of despair, I just followed my gut as to where they might be. Luckily they had not gotten far, and I found the group discussing the old Seoul National University campus which used to be located there. Since then, it has moved to Gangnam, but the SNU Hospital still runs across the street from the old plaza. 

There's some interesting tidbits to be learned about the old SNU. There was a lot of political influence during the time under Park Chunghee. For example, there were actually no foreign professors. They weren't allowed. Interesting.

Dr. Fouser introduced a few famous buildings designed by an architect who had a lot of influence in Seoul's modern construction phases, Kim Swoo-geun (김수근). His buildings are actually quite unique. It's clear that he liked to use red brick. A nice characteristic is that the entrances to the buildings are often angled and disjointed so as to be more interesting than just a square block, yet still open like a breezeway. The main entrance is often slightly tucked away and not very prominent. Also, the use of textured stones for the walkways is a signature. I'm surprised I have no pictures. I was probably still trying to gather myself from the shock of being lost.

Our first stop: the Lock Museum! (Eng, Kor)

This is the foyer to the gallery, after you go upstairs to the third floor, passing an antiques collection on the second. 

A model locksmith's workroom. 

Chastity belts for men and women.

More pictures can be found on the same Flickr album. Beautiful craftsmanship. There were both indigenous Korean designs as well as locks from around the world. Keyless locks (puzzle locks) were particularly interesting. 

Onward ho!

Dr. Fouser explained to us how the redevelopment model works in Korea (or at least Seoul). Gather 70% of the signatures of residents, and an area can be taken away (with compensation from the construction company's real estate value quote) to make room for new towns (giant apartment complexes). That is how all of the apartments you see today have been made. Initially there were small neighborhoods with hanoks and less "valuable" properties (houses). If you are in the 30% that do not agree, too bad. 

This house is that of a prominent opposition member in the Hyewha neighborhood. Still his. Victory to you, sir.

Dr. Fouser showed us the appeal of these small, more traditional houses that are usually victims of redevelopment plans. They are not popular because there is nowhere to park. People also claim the neighborhoods are unsightly. 

Next, we visited former Prime Minister Chang Myon's house (AKA John Myon Chang, in Korean the house is called 장면가옥). Here is a good history of the home in Korean, and this government funded culture site is the best I could find in English.  It was actually a very admirable property. It was hanok style with a Western-style attachment for entertaining dignitaries. Sadly I don't have a proper shot of the yard... I guess the space was too confined for me to find an appropriate shot. But here is a photo from Robert Koehler's feed:

Inside there were some nice Korean-Western fusions. Catholic figurine with Asian wallpaper and furniture.

This top hat was quite popular. Velvety...

I wish I had this chair and window at my own place.

Retro fan. Subtle reminder that this place was a home up through the 1960s.

I can see that I now began to experience the fatigue of a warm day walking around a hilly neighborhood with a camera. Why? Not as many pictures in between. But alas, we found ourselves at the former official mayor's residence (서울시 장공관). This was the housing provided to the current Seoul city mayor. But this tradition ended recently. It's a nice property. It has a large yard, two stories, and sits right on the Seoul City Wall. 

It has some nice open windows and gardens, but look at the kitchen. Blegh. The kitchen and bath were shockingly ordinary. But cool. Ordinary is better than extravagant for official housing, I suppose.

At the end of this part of the City Wall, there's a gate. Hyewha-mun. Again. I was tired by then. It's beautiful, I promise.

And this is where we put up our feet after the tour. There was a nice little cafe that sold handmade crafts and had its very own free range cat. 

It was a good day with good people. There was lively discussion of city politics and culture. I highly recommend the excursions put on by the RASKB (Royal Asiatic Society Korea Branch) for anyone interested in getting to know deep and insightful details about the city or Korea. 

And for those of you interested in the Seoul City Wall trail, this city website has some information about the landmarks along the way and the open hours (as well as which sections need ID). Click on the banners toward the bottom to find more details about each section of the wall. 

Seoul Happening

This past week has been a relatively busy one. With a lot of things in the air, I've been doing a lot of goal setting and resume reviewing. Luckily, I was able to talk to some great Seoul veterans who could give me advice on getting off the ground.

Basically, they were able to show me that I was panicking for no reason. Panicking might not be the right term. Slow self implosion is more accurate. But anyhow, now that I have some goals in place, I have to put my feet to the fire and get some serious discipline in to my routine--if you could consider myself not disciplined before. I suppose this new plan will map my schedule down to the minute.

Because of all of the stress trying to get some solid plans and the sudden hurdles I've had at work, I have to admit it's taken a toll on my health. In the course of two months, I have been sick from one thing or another for a moderate total of 3 weeks. (Yes, I have been neglecting my gym and diet duties. Terrible.) Now that I'm not death warmed over, I can start to sift through what I need to do.

There are a few projects that I have coming up, and this serves as a preview.

Photo blog content will be uploaded, including a recap of the trip to Gwangju last weekend with Robert Koehler and the RASKB, a walking tour of Hyehwa and Daehakno with Dr. Rob Fouser of the RASKB, and recently discovered pictures from my trip to Chungju last August... never got to that. Oops.

I will start working on translating Korean articles to share. Translating is not something that I can say that I have really spent a lot of time on, so I'm taking a dive and starting now. Seems like it will be challenging, but also pretty fulfilling. Any and all advice/input/criticism/requests welcome. 

And a healthy restructuring of the blog is probably in due course...

Lots to do! Don't let me slack and hold me to this project with feedback. Many people mention the blog to me in private conversation, and I am always surprised to hear that I have so many readers. The empty comments section would imply a ghost town! Please drop a line here on the blog and keep a dialogue going.

... in the meantime, here's a picture of Lee Myung Bak's old kitchen. Explanation in the next post. Stay tuned!

Thoughts on the South Korean Ferry Sewol Disaster

Tessa's Note: This blog is in the process of being edited for the sake of clarity. I wish I were perfect the first time I try to express my ideas, but I need practice. For the sake of relevance of time, I wanted to start the discussion sooner rather than later, so this post did not wait on a final revision before being published.

This week I started a new exercise regimen one-on-one with a trainer. The first class was rather early in the morning, and I've been waking up early because I go to bed so early after a hard workout and a full day at work. Now that I'm not regularly swimming at the crack of dawn, I have had the opportunity to finally tune in to Seoul's TBS EFM 103.5 English language news programs in the mornings this week.

The radio station seems to have a lot of good info. I remember a long time ago, they were educating expats about how to file taxes. Most information is for practical public knowledge and explanations of the political and social atmosphere in the city, and it's a good way to get all the recent news in days before it might ever hit BBC or the New York Times (or even get translated for the local English newspapers).

As most of you may well know, South Korea has been grieving the tragedy of the sunken ferry carrying mostly high school students on an overnight school trip to Jeju Island. In the last moments of the sinking, 174 passengers and crew were rescued of the total 476 on board (according to today's news from Yonhap). As of this morning, 156 bodies have been retrieved and the missing still stand at 146.

There has been a lot of action from various sources--Samsung has sent cranes to help pull up the ferry. Japan was said to have pledged resources, and though it may be of little consolation, even North Korea sent its condolences. However, this doesn't relieve the pain of those effected, and the outpouring of sympathy from the public has been enormous.

But nearly 9 days after the shock of the accident, and after most of us have lost hope in finding survivors, there is a major concern and anger over government responsibility. A new debate has unfolded about what the government should have done and what it should do.

So far there have been the following actions highlighted in the media:

• Prosecutors have filed charges against 11 of 29 surviving crew members, including negligent murder and failure to conduct safety inspections.
• The offices and homes of many responsible for the command and ownership of the Sewol ferry and its operators have been raided, and the government has confiscated a handful of hard drives. 
• Reports have uncovered the shady history of the owner of the ferry operation owner including embezzlement and tax fraud. The owner seems to be a businessman, whom I would say is nearly a business mogul who was one of the lucky people to ride the wave of wealth from South Korea's industry boom in the 1980s.
• Conflicting statements by rescuers and politicians are being thrown around about how the ship will be handled. Some want to keep it still until the last body is recovered (keep in mind, the divers have not yet been able to access all parts of the ship and have little visibility or control over currents, making that idea sentimental, but highly challenging). However, TBS radio has said that tomorrow will be the day that the workers will now be working on a recovery project, and it is no longer considered a search and rescue, as there is at this point nearly no chance of any survivors remaining. Note: All of those rescued were rescued within the first two hours after the mayday was sent.

As one could imagine, lots of fingers are being pointed and an extreme amount of blame put on the government. Though this sentiment is certainly not unfounded, my personal opinion is that this mentality is in the long run unproductive and unsustainable. There will be no end to this retroactive blame. 

The radio this morning had a guest on the show that put into words the thoughts that I could not until this point fully organize on my own. This applies for nearly all political systems, and I would not go so far to say that the problem we faced in the lacking regulation that led to the Sewol disaster is unique to Korea.

THE GOVERNMENT'S ROLE

In broad terms, it is the definition of government to protect its people. Laws and regulations are created to prevent damage and the government provides means to punish those who do not comply. The extent of clarity of these regulations and the executive power's enforcement of them are less than perfect. Go through any legal matter dealing with the police or legal courts, and you will quickly find that the world does not operate with the omnipotence of TV shows like CSI and Law & Order. 

The truth is, enforcement is mostly retroactive. Punishments are placed after someone does something wrong. It is hard, and in most cases impossible, for the government to be able to prevent any wrongdoing before it happens. Legally, I mean. (For example, I had to wait nearly two months after my paychecks started to go missing for me to file in full with the Ministry of Labor, even though I knew the money wouldn't be coming in after the first month. Legally, the payday had to pass--my employer had to do something wrong first, otherwise he is still innocent on paper).

In today's day and age, with the uproar of the NSA's projects and data collection, and even selective monitoring, proactive routes taken by the government are often faced with large opposition from the public. The potential for abuse and lack of transparency causes suspicion. So that leaves people to voluntarily report themselves (for example, US taxes, or in Korea, the TV tax) and then any misreporting runs the risk of getting caught in a random audit perhaps years down the line. This is the same thing that is happening with the owner of the Sewol operations. He had some baked books, and now that something has gone horribly wrong, the government (or perhaps, the media) is frantically flipping through files.

Now... I'm not saying that the government now needs to become something from Minority Report. Rather, I want to offer a different concept:

The government is needed as a safety net for when the system fails. But "better safe than sorry" should be the first thing people think, not "the government will handle it." We need to place a more balanced responsibility on the community to be able to prevent and react to accidents. Papers in a filing cabinet do not save lives. People do.

SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

It would be nice if the government could repel down from the sky to an isolated sinking ferry or to a terrorized subway, but that's just unrealistic. In Seoul, the government has put a lot of funding and investment in public safety. The subways are all equipped with platform doors that open only when a train is aligned at the station. They have even made bridges more psychologically comforting to prevent jumpers.

Sure, there's always more that we will say should be done. But as long as it isn't realized, the danger remains prevalent in our day to day lives. I will give the following comparisons:

Murder is illegal. There are court proceedings for those who violate that law. But there is no way for government to prevent it. There is a way to discourage, and there are sometimes ways to quickly respond. However, if there is no way to prevent murder, then why isn't homicide an epidemic? It's a social taboo. Society says that it's bad, and we personally feel a responsibility not to kill the person next to us, no matter how much you want to. I don't not kill the person who shoved me on the subway because I don't want to face the courts. I don't kill them because I feel it's wrong. I'm sure most people would agree here. 

Let's move to a little more practical and less extreme case. 

Why do you feel uncomfortable when you see someone throw their trash on the ground? Are you angry that they aren't being slapped with the legally mandated fine that was enacted in your state law? Or are you upset that they're contributing to an unclean environment?

Most people would realize, yes, I feel uncomfortable because I know littering is bad. This is a societal norm. People are educated about the effects of human waste on the environment, educated about how to prevent waste, and then, in turn, practice and encourage the same behavior. 

In South Korea, we have laws. We have fines. However, there is mostly a lack of concern for implementing the behaviors and habits that these laws uphold. Copyright is defended by the courts, but university professors let copyright infringement slip everywhere. They copy textbooks to make makeshift course readers and don't think once about actually paying royalties. Students copy things they find on the internet, and most kids don't even know how to make a citation. It's painful to watch... for me, anyway.

The point is, if people don't understand the implications of their actions, or if they are not educated about how to react to a dangerous situation, there is no amount of power that the government has to guarantee anyone's safety. The first responders are in fact the people present at ground zero, not professionals, not rescue teams.

CONCLUSION

The government (and the community) needs to work on instilling a mentality of social responsibility. What I'm thinking of works on two levels. 

1. Public safety: Things like having regular fire drills for students. Enforcing straight lines and following the right side of the stair well. These things are often taken for granted, but if not taught, lead to a very big debacle when the time comes for order and security. I have been working with kids here for a long time. We have not once had a fire drill. We (the faculty) have not been told what to do in the case of a fire. I can use my knowledge from my education in the States, but I cannot assume everyone else has the same ideas. My last school's fire extinguishers were not even fully pressurized.

2. Regulation: The shady practices of this businessman who owns the Sewol operations is not a surprising case. Bad practices often go unchecked and no one lifts an eyebrow until something goes wrong. There is no sense of guilt when you bake your books or stretch the truth in inspections because there is no pressure from others to be completely honest Why? In the end it doesn't directly effect me and if I say something, I'll be a labeled rat and cause a big uproar. This is a situation that is highly undesirable in Asian culture. **I have had a lot of feedback from my Korean friends about this part of the essay. They say that they have an unspoken burden when it comes to things like this, and they feel unable to change wrongdoing because they fear being troublemakers. I will be working on addressing it in another post later.**

My post has run long, but I hope that it sheds some light on the environment of this disaster. This disaster was the result of a long line of neglect across many sectors. The fault doesn't lie 100% on lack of regulation on the government's part, but also lack of foresight and preventative interest from society at large. I think starting with wholeheartedly upholding safety and transparency is the foundation for any progress in preventative policy. 

Actions, not words. 

New Beginnings on the Horizon

In a brief moment of mental clarity coinciding with free time on this Monday morning, I finally have a chance to give you guys an update.

Sorry for the long delay. As you hardworking folks know, time seems to become rarer and rarer. To put an additional challenge in, there have been interesting turns of events in the ever-exciting world of me.

First notable event: I finally got my back pay from my old hakwon! Yay! It took 9 months for my old employer to scrape together the funds (plus or minus some honesty on his part) and pay the teachers. Now that the case is officially settled, I feel like I can disclose the negotiations and speculations of the case without compromising my own returns.

I know that I received 100% of what was calculated by the Board of Labor, no interest or lawyer fee reimbursement, because I just wanted him to hurry up and pay up. Adding on additional fees could have been adding risk to him deciding to just declare bankruptcy and merely pay a fine where he would then have his first criminal record (basically the same as having something put on your permanent record in high school. A slap on the wrist as far as legal ramifications go). So to play it safe, but stand up for my basic rights, I agreed to just end it after he pays me what he owes me. Given, too, that I recognize the desperation of his situation (again, plus or minus some honesty) with having an infant son to care for, he must be strapped for cash in some manner. I decided to be a little forgiving. But I wanted my money, dang it.

I got it. Paid off my credit card from when I went to the States (plane ticket and Black Friday shopping), plus my Costco expenses. Costco in Korea only takes cash or Samsung credit cards. However, they don't clearly explain that American Express works as Samsung in Korea. Yay! It's always so hard to leave with only what you went for, therefore just as hard to bring just enough cash. So that's why I always use my credit card at Costco whenever I manage to make a trip.

And make a trip this weekend I did! I went for Greek yogurt, but they were all out. Sad. So instead I got some "Denmark Plain Yogurt." I checked the sugar. If there's like... none, then you know it's good to eat! at 5g per serving compared to the next "plain" yogurt at 11g, I figured it would get a seal of approval from my inner dietician. As sour as it tastes by itself, add a little natural (not quite so processed and sugar added) jam or preserves, maybe some muesli (granola without the sugar), and it's actually not that regrettable.

Anyway. As predicted I left with a lot more than yogurt. Preserves, salmon wrap wheels, jerky, bacon bits, and a pack of bagels. Bagels are probably a no-no, but who cares, they're delicious.

I'm planning on making my own meals for lunch (the only time I'm supposed to eat normal people food). My plan: sandwich, yogurt, and a fruit of some kind. Breakfast and dinner are essentially a choice of 2 of the following: boiled egg, small sweet potato, or banana. Mix and match any way you want! and cry. Just cry. (Stand up comedy reference). Here.



Anyway. Gotta start this diet thing again. Gotta lose weight to save my knee. OH BY THE WAY. (today's transitions work so well...)

---

I signed up for another round of PT (Personal Training). It's a 3 month plan. I went to a training studio in the neighborhood that I had an eye on since I went looking for gyms. Training studios do not have a gym package where you can come on your own, you have to be taking classes to use the facilities, so I nixed it early on. 30 classes for about 1,500 bucks. You come use the gym whenever you want, but meet with an instructor twice a week. Last time I did this, I lost 19 kilos, about 35 pounds or so. Since then (it's been 9 months), I gained half of it back. No doubt largely due to stress from the lawsuit and also from hurting my knee.

The trainer I was matched with has a bit of experience in physical rehabilitation (as in when athletes hurt themselves, these are the trainers that get them back into competitive shape). He assessed my body imbalances (one side stronger than the other, for example, in my shoulders. That can lead to further injury if your body overcompensates.) They did a really good job doing a physical. Wednesday is the first class. Today was my first power walking exercise at that gym. (Treadmill, why hello, long time no see.) Heart rate was well over 160...

This should be good.

In addition, I finally gave in to lifting up my seat to the recommended height where the leg becomes fully extended.

Little did I know that I can't actually ride a bike. I had always taken off by pushing one foot on the ground while seated and then while coasting starting to pedal. (Yay teaching myself how to ride a bike... the wrong way). So now it's really scary to try and push off by just pedaling. It takes me about 10 minutes to get a successful start. And God save the person that makes me stop before I want to. It begins another 10 minute session trying to start. Most of the time, all of the sweating happens when I am focusing so hard on my feet and not tipping over before getting the pedals moving enough to keep my bulk centered. After that it's smooth sailing. I'll get the hang of it eventually...

There's actually a bit more to the life of Tessa, but that's all I have time to recap for today. I have lots of topics to talk about coming up. And I might post a more detailed account of my experience filing a lawsuit in Korea. For a preview, I can say that I am now looking for a job starting in September using a two pronged attack. One line safely pursuing hakwons and the other in the high risky hopes of finding an office job outside of the English education field.

I wish good luck to myself in all of this. haha.

Comments? Requests? Yes, please!

Learning the Language

*Note: Since a big part of my lifestyle is based around weight loss and exercise, I thought I would have a second part to my posts giving updates or tips from the past week. I'll break my posts into two parts to keep it more digestible. Scroll down to follow my exercise progress.*

It's Yellow Dust Season. I just bought my second pack of 3M 9322K dust respirator masks. I'm pretty sure they're used for construction sites sawing wood and drywall, but it's a good design to protect yourself against the yellow dust/microdust cocktail in the air these days. A lot of non-local (I'm trying other words than 'foreigner') people didn't believe me when I told them about the pollution levels being dangerous. It wasn't until they started complaining of sore throats, scratchy eyes, and headaches that they started to return for advice. Anywho. Yellow Dust Season is followed by Cherry Blossom Season (and the marker of warmer weather!!) so I'm just hanging on to the ride for now.

I had a few unexpected breakthroughs in the past two weeks. (The two weeks before that were... let's just say educational. I might get into it later after things get sorted out. Good point: it started me on a reading addiction, an upgrade from what was previously merely a book addiction.)

Let's start with the bigger epiphany.

Last week I blew my professional facade and accidentally cried in front of an associate. Arguably, they were being very pushy and patronizing, but the fact is I would never, ever have expected myself to react that way. It took me a few days to understand why.

My first year in Korea, 2009, was all good and fun. I was taking baby steps in learning the language. People were astronomically impressed that I could read Korean letters on the menus and signs, or even if I said things like 이것 좀 더 주세요 or 얼마예요? (Refill, please or How much?). I felt great when I could order Chinese delivery over the phone and felt like I overcame a huge step when I could figure out the McDonald's delivery service. At the time, you couldn't order online with your foreigner registration number. Ours weren't well integrated into the national database. Things are better now.

As time went by and I started using Korean for errands that I had to run on my own (I mean who wants to bug their friends for a favor to talk to the taxi driver over the phone more than once?), I started to feel like the impressed comments were more of a time waster. I start thinking, yeah I'm talking to you in Korean. Last I checked, we were in Seoul. Fancy that.

Then it slowly built into a kind of patronizing feeling when people keep commenting on how great my Korean is. Excluding the first year where I felt Korean was a bonus skill, Korean has been an essential method to proving my intentions in Korea. My friends have all supported my marathon toward fluency, helping me study, interpreting my broken text messages, and constantly inspiring me with their own ability to speak in better English than I could in Korean. It became a fluency competition.

The tables turned somewhere. I was first afraid and nervous to speak in Korean. Now, I get nervous and feel judged when I use English with local Koreans.

Sadly, after college, time runs short, people get jobs, and 5 hour blocks of study time becomes a rare bird hiding somewhere in a giant forest, never to be seen by human eyes again.

With thousands of corrections from friends and associates, managing to pass only the first of the two level intermediate Korean proficiency exam, and consistently missing the punch line on variety shows, I know that my Korean certainly isn't fluent. However, I'd like to think that I've showed enough devotion to show that I'm not just working in Korea, but with Korea.

As we hear intolerant people in America say all the time, "If you come to America, speak English." You might have seen the oddly controversial debate over the Coca-Cola Superbowl commercial. I don't really see how it's offensive in any way, if not touching. But the same kind of feeling that I learned in America--that people don't appreciate those who just come and take without making an effort to respect the locals are lazy and a burden on society--stayed with me. That drove me to break out of that circle of dependent foreigners and become an independent Seoulite.

In my mind, when I cannot fulfill that standard of clear communication, it means that I am not independent, and society throws me back into the barrel with all the other new arrivals and foreigners happy with the status quo of ignorance. All of my work has gone to waste. Zero.

So take a problem where my room has something that needs fixing. Needs maintenance. I know there's a peculiarity. I describe it, in Korean, and hear that they're going to come help out (course... not the warmest people are handling this situation, but we've all accepted this personality trait in some people. You just gotta work with them). Maintenance comes. They say it's not a problem with the machine, it's a problem with the pipe setup. Lots of explanations are thrown around, I get each of them, but it doesn't explain why the problem has recently crept up if the pipes were always the same way. I try to explain this, but my associate keeps getting pushier about dropping the issue and just letting it be because my room isn't special, the whole building was the same, why am I so suspicious of him, blah blah (which... after he investigated, found it was not the case, but it didn't help heal the burn he gave at the time).

Given, I'm trying to come up with a diplomatic response in a foreign language, whilst listening to his engineering terms in a foreign language... it was beyond my ability to immediately handle the conversation alone. It had exploded. Bombed. Fail. I lost credibility in my ability to judge if a machine was broken. I also lost my credentials as an equal in Korean society because my communication skill fell through. I felt one tear of frustration, and then everything after that was pretty much just tears from embarrassment about the first tear (does that happen to anyone else, or just me?).

After all of this, he came around and became a little more understanding. I think many people forget that what I say isn't all that I want to say. The information that gets to other people is sent through a language filter, where only about 80% of what I really want to say can actually get through. My words become neutered and often lack personality or sincerity. That's where I'm jealous of Sam Hammington.

It took me a while to really put my finger on why I was so stressed out. I still feel like as an outsider coming in to this society, I still have that responsibility to conform. I want to get better, but I haven't figured out my schedule to allow for study time, to the extent that I wouldn't start to hate it anyway...

At the same time, I don't know why I don't respect the progress I've made thus far. I keep pushing a perfectionist approach to my abilities. If it's not perfect, then it's completely lacking.

It may be because society here has not become accustomed to "intermediate," but rather has this perception that foreigners either can or cannot speak the language, and unwittingly throw out the array of abilities in between. All or nothing sort of approach.

I think both sides have a lot to learn.

---

My second breakthrough was fabulous. 

I leveled up at the pool.

I remember learning how to swim when I was little. You know... stand on the diving board and jump into the arms of some loving relative in the water. From that point on, I had no fear of water (except open water for different reasons) and could manage to not breathe in water. Basic human survival skill, yes?

Then I took a class at Korea University. I needed the credit to reach 'full time' status, and hey, we can all agree I needed the exercise. (I also took a yoga class that semester.)

I learned to swim properly. Face in the water. Proper form. Swimming became an exercise, not just a fun thing to do in the summer. Later on, I would find it to be a spectacular exercise after I hurt my knee (runners knee--a chronic, but not debilitating). Swimming puts no impact on the joints, so it doesn't cause inflammation after exercising. I could get my cardio in without causing pain, as would happen with jogging or even cycling.

Since September, I've been going to the neighborhood YMCA and swimming to get my 50 minutes of cardio. I could feel it was far less intense than the heart rate I could rack up jogging, but I had to compromise intensity for pain relief.

On Tuesday, things got intense. Instead of breathing after every stroke, I can breathe after two. Sometimes three! It just... happened. Unknowingly. Automatically. And the workout got so much harder because I found work faster and push harder without having to pause for breath.

This sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I was ecstatic. That one small, minuscule improvement made the world of a difference. It picked up my speed and heart rate. No one was slowly trailing behind me.

Next... one day I will magically know how to do the butterfly stroke. Then I can join the big kids in the advanced lane. (Or not. I'm cool with this right here for now.)